How To Deal With Depression - One Simple and Effective Method

How To Deal With Depression - One Simple and Effective Method

https://youtu.be/U1fiWTbRGiI

Is Your comfort Zone Killing you without you even knowing it?

Muru  https://youtu.be/ZXFNz-m_erY

#SelfHelp 

Is Your comfort Zone Killing you without you even knowing it?

How to break free of your comfort zone?

Is Your Comfort Zone Killing You, even without you knowing it?

This video explains how we fall into the comfort zone trap and how our comfort zone is limiting our growth. 

Break out of your comfort zone and live your dream.

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'On The Basis of Sex'

Extracted from ’The World is My Classroom, The Universe is My Teacher 

I watched ‘On the Basis of Sex’ over the weekend. 

Well, almost half of it. I caught it halfway when I was switching between channels to see if there was something nice to watch.

That’s when it caught my attention. It’s the story of the young Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 

I have heard that name before. I heard it being mentioned on CNN several times. She is that lady US Supreme Court Judge, right?

Technology is wonderful. I quickly googled her up on my smart phone and was up to speed about her. Whilst the movie was still playing. Yup, she is the one. The US Supreme Court judge. The one that fought discrimination against women.

Ruth Ginsburg challenged laws that on the surface appeared beneficial to women, but in fact reinforced the notion that women needed to be dependent on men. That women were somehow inferior.

The story was set when she was  a young law professor. She is in the midst of preparing a brief to appeal a decision against her client.  The Commissioner of Inland Revenue was on the other side.

Good movie. Captivating final speech in her submission before the Appellate Judges. Heavy stuff, the kind that will make you jump up and start clapping if you were in the court-room.

At the heart of the argument was whether it was unconstitutional to enact laws that treated women differently from men. 

In the pivotal courtroom scene, all the arguments about break in the fabric of society, the end of civilisation as we know it, not being the American way, will cause earth being conquered by the Andromedians and other such grave concerns were thrown at her. By the judges. 

“These laws merely recognised what is self evident,” they said. “Won’t there be anarchy if we ignore nature?” they questioned her. 

  

She daringly stood her grounds and turned the whole argument on its head. We lawyers love that stuff. To be able to sweep our opponents  (we are not allowed to call them that, by the way) and judges off their feet in one smooth motion and do the powerslam on them.

That case set the precedent for other cases. Legislation after legislation that treated women differently were subsequently challenged and nullified. Based on that one case.

The irony of it all is this. 

That case, the one that started it all, that beacon for gender equality, wasn’t about discrimination against  women. It was discrimination against men. 

In that case, a man named Moritz hired a nurse to care for his aging mother so he could continue to work. He was denied tax deduction for the nursing care because at the time the Internal Revenue Code specifically limited the deduction to "a woman, a widower or divorcée, …” The Commissioner ruled that as man who had never married, Moritz did not qualify for the deduction. 

So he challenged. On a matter of principle.

Interesting, the entire legal battle on discrimination against women was started by a case that fought discrimination against men. Well played Ruth.

We men, have been having it easy all this while that we keep forgetting this simple truth. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. 

I am lucky. I have my wife to remind me of that. All the time.

Muru

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Hoarding

(Extracted from 'The World Is My Classroom, The Universe is My Teacher")

I have a small confession to make. I am a hoarder.

Yes, I hoard things. Not the ‘lets collect the plastic water bottles’ type - the environmentalist; or the ‘lets save the gift wrapper to be re-used’ type - the frugal; nor the ‘lets keep the movie ticket in a book’  type - the sentimentalist.

I am the worst type - the contingency planner. The ‘what if’ type. “What if I need it later?”, “What if I need it for parts?” , “What if someone needs it one day?”, “What if my 18 other survival knives don’t work?”

Bad as it sounds, I am not the top dog. That distinction goes to an old pal of mine. He is the undisputed Heavy Weight Hoarding Champion of the World. A plane crash site is more liveable than his apartment.

That was last month, before we ushered in the new year. He decided to throw away some of his stuff and tidy his place up. At least someone is keeping to his Vision 2020.

He had a bit of an early start. He started at around Christmas Holidays. Worked at it through the New Year, the Chinese New Year Holidays and every weekend. He is almost there, he tells me.  It’s February now. Give him time. His is a work in progress. 

He brought a pair binoculars for last weekend’s hike. The ones that were ubiquitous about quarter of a century ago; when the Soviet Union was falling apart and they were selling all those fake ‘Soviet Army Surplus’ stuff at night markets. 

I asked him what was that about and he replied “Oh, I just found it when I was cleaning up and brought it to show it to you.”

“Ahh, I have pair just like that. Don’t know where it is. Must be in the house somewhere” I said.

“You know Muru, I came across some of the mails that Melanie sent me when we were in college” he said. Those were real mails, written in ink on paper, mind you.

Melanie is my friend’s ex-wife and that’s not her real name by the way.

“I read them and tears just rolled down my cheeks. So much love… Don’t know what happened to us” he said in a soft voice.

Not knowing what to say I looked down and kept quiet, for a while.

“You know, we collect stuff, always thinking there is a use for it sometime but you can never find it when you need it.” I said, going off on a tangent.

“Oh, I do find my stuff when I need it,” he said, hitting the breaks at my attempt.

“You know Muru, the thing is, we collect all that stuff, so much so that the things that really matter to us are hidden in that heap, virtually lost to us” he said.

He is right.

Nisargadatta Maharaj, a spiritual guru was once asked by a student, “Maharaj, you are so full of love and peace all the time. Why can’t I have that?”

The Guru replied “The love and peace that’s in me is in you too. It is in every living thing.”

“Why then, you feel it all time but I can’t?” asked the student.

“It is because I only have love and peace” said the Guru. 

We carry so many things in our minds. We carry a little bit of love, a little bit of envy, a little bit of kindness, a little bit of hatred, a little bit this and a little bit of that. 

We carry a little bit of everything so much so that the good we carry is lost in the pile. We allow our mind to become the passive repository of everything imagined, literally.

Time to throw some of my stuff and tidy up my place. And the mind too.

Thanks pal.

Muru

Medium

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Keep To Your Rhythm

I was hiking this weekend. I was walking up a hill and this guy was walking down the same trail. He stopped and stood aside the narrow trail to allow me to pass. I thanked him and hurried up the trail so as not to hold him up for too long. As I passed he said “It’s ok, just keep to your rhythm”. 

Sound advice. I knew immediately he must be a seasoned hiker.

In hiking it is never about the speed. It’s about the pace. Your own pace. It’s about finding your rhythm and keeping it.

Often I have seen new ‘hikers' speed up in earnest to keep up with friends. Or  to impress. Only to be out of breath, hands on knees and almost blue in the face after some distance. 

The natural tendency is to compare ourselves with our friends and try to keep up with the pack. It never works. It seldom ends well for you. Your friend’s pace is your friend’s pace. Not yours. 

A true hiker understands his own body and appreciates the terrain. He will find a comfortable pace in a given terrain. A good pace is when you are not out of breath as you walk. Your steps are in sync with your breathing. You are in the ‘flow.’

Each one of us are differently abled; with different speed and different stamina. The terrain differs too. Just like in life. 

We compare ourselves with our friends and are in a perpetual game of catch up. There is always someone who is better; has a better job, a better car or a bigger house. We want that too, only better. And we end up stressed, frustrated and out of breath.

Our trails in life differ. Each one of us, either knowingly or unknowingly has chosen our own path. Some are short, some long, some easy and some more challenging than others. There may be places where our trails overlap; and we become friends and families, to love and cherish. We enjoy that part of the journey together, in laughter or in sadness. And part ways when the time comes. Each one of us living, ever lived or will ever live, has a trail; each different from the other.

Our gifts, our temperament and the baggage that we carry along as we travel in life also differ. Each unique in its own way. No two journeys are ever alike. In fact the very purpose of our journey are different. 

Why then is the urge to ‘catch up’? Enjoy the trail, enjoy the life. After all, what is the purpose of it all, if there is no joy in it? There is no need to rush in reaching your ‘destination’ or your ‘goal’, or whatever you may call it, unless that is your thing. 

You will get there, without being out of breath. In life, as in hiking, it is never about the speed. Just keep to your rhythm.

Muru

Wattapad

Medium

Traffic Does Not Care

Extracted from "The World Is My Classroom, The Universe Is My Teacher"

“‘Traffic jam’, as far as excuses go, is not credible but believable”

Traffic Does Not Care

I was nervously looking at ‘Waze’ on my phone. It showed a delay of twenty three minutes due to traffic jam. I was going to be late, by a good five minutes.  Add another five to find parking and scramble up to the office. Ten minutes. Can’t explain away ten minutes by differences in watches. I am screwed. 

I was cursing the traffic. It is so unpredictable, even with Waze. When I started, it showed I will be there with 15 minutes to spare. Now with just two kilometres away, with a minor accident up in front, it is showing this.

’10 am’ appointments can be deceiving. It allows you to think that your appointment is after the rush hour traffic. It is, but the traffic does not drop at 9am sharp. It always lingers up to 9.30am and even then does not really subside. All the smarty pants whom wanted to avoid the jam will be jamming the road by this time.

I hate traffic jams. Everyone does. We dread it, swear at it and avoid it more than the Corona Virus. 

Sometimes, traffic jam has its uses as well. It is the ‘WD40’ of excuses for being late. Comes in handy for all occasions. ’Caught in traffic’ can be used at any time except 3am; and under any circumstances except Kuala Lumpur during Chinese New Year. 

‘Traffic jam’, as far as excuses go, is not credible but believable.

Curse it or use it as an excuse, Traffic does not care. Either way. 

Why fret then? Why send our blood pressure high and let the moron in us run loose? All those knitted eyebrows, clenched fists and pursed lips. It serves no purpose, except to harm ourselves and those around us.

You can be angry at traffic. It does not care. You can be happy. It does not care. You can be indifferent. It JUST does not care. 

Traffic does nothing to accommodate our individual moods. Changes it not one single bit.  Why then do we choose anger? Or any of the other negative reactions like frustration, tension or stress? Our reaction is our choice. Think about it. We can choose better. Each time.

My son, who is in many ways is wiser than I, always plays ‘It’s a Wonderful World’ whenever he is caught in a jam. Works for him.

Traffic, it ebbs and flows with time. It doesn’t punish nor reward. And it definitely doesn’t  pander to our individual moods. We are in it and journey through it. It is the collective us. 

It is, the way it is. It is, what it is. What we make of it, is our choice. 

Just like the Universe.

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MURU